The Least Shocking Celebrity Revelations of All Time

In case you haven’t heard the shocking news, Clay Aiken “admitted” he’s gay. Next thing you know Barack Obama is going to “admit” he’s a Muslim, or I’m going to “admit” that Celebjihad.com isn’t funny. EVERYONE KNOWS!

When a man named ‘Clay’ who looks like a cross between Billie Jean King and K.D. Lang decides to “come out of the closet” it’s pretty much the opposite of shocking. However, throughout the years there have been a few even less shocking revelations. CelebJihad.com has complied them for you. Enjoy.

 

sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad1993 – Rock star Kurt Cobain reportedly “not in a very good mood right now.”
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad1957 – Nat King Cole acknowledges that he is, in fact, black. Housewives across the country are shocked, yet strangely curious.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad1979 – Visionary George Lucas tells Time Magazine: “I don’t really have a plan for this thing. I’m kind of just making it up as it goes along.”
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad1991 – Michael Jackson admits he’s been paying a group of renegade genetic engineers to slowly turn his face into a rat’s vulva for the past 20 years.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2017 – George Bush finally admits it: “I do hate black people.” Adds Bush, “They’re just so loud!”
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad1995 – O.J. Simpson admits to killing Naked Gun franchise.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2012 – Miley Cyrus admits she is not a virgin and has been sucking cock since she was 13.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2012 – Nick Jonas admits he is not a virgin and has been sucking cock since he was 13.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2008 – Sarah Palin admits her baby’s retardation is the result of partying with crack-smoking Inuits.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2005 – Paris Hilton admits you could drive a dump truck through her cunt.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2009 – Dane Cook, in tears, admits he’s not funny at all.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad
1995 – Christopher Reeve finally admits to himself that he’s not Superman.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad1988 – Madonna admits, “I really, really hate my dad.”
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2009 – R Kelly mistakenly confesses to a reporter that “If they are old enough to pee they are old enough for me.”
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2007 – Michael Vick admits he’s more of a cat person.
sarah-palin, nick-jonas, madonna, lindsay-lohan, celeb-jihad2008- Lindsay Lohan admits she digs dudes without penises.