Summer is winding down and that means beach season in the infidel West is as well, and thank Allah for that. For every year brazen celebrity sluts bare their nude flesh out in public, accosting innocent beachgoers with their topless titties.
Why by no means the full accounting of celebrity nude sunbathers, the list below provides the top 20 to date. The ranking were determined using a complex algorithm accounting for many factors like the quality of the breasts, the resolution of the photo, the likelihood of seeing the celebrity naked somewhere else, and the popularity of the salacious starlet in question.
#20 Miranda Kerr
Many forget, but before Miranda Kerr married into Snapchat money she was just another Victoria’s Secret model whore showing off her bare boobies at the beach for attention.
#19 Margot Robbie
Margot lost points for covering her face in this pic, and for forcing the paparazzi to photograph her from a shitty angle up in a tree.
#18 Shay Mitchell
“Pretty Little Liars” star Shay Mitchel is amazingly unashamed of her wonky little boobies.
#17 Kylie Minogue
Believe it or not this topless pic was taken 15 years ago when the ageless pop star Kylie Minogue was just 52-years-old.
#16 Meghan Markle
Before becoming an uptight British princess, Meghan Markle had no problem parading around her mulatto mammaries for all to see.
#15 Penelope Cruz
Penelope Cruz use to show her tits to border agents as she waded across the Rio Grande into the United States from her home in Mexico.
#14 Kelly Rohrbach
Kelly Rohrbach did not take off her top while starring in the “Baywatch” movie… Perhaps if she did the film wound’t have been such a flop (but based on her breasts in this pic it probably still would have bombed).
#13 Alyssa Milano
Before spending her days “speaking truth to power”, actress turned progressive activist Alyssa Milano use to run around on the beach completely naked to stick it to the patriarchy.
#12 Kristen Stewart
Lesbodyke Kristen Stewart heard that the sun can melt away tit tissue, giving her the androgynous look that she craves.
#11 Uma Thurman
Uma’s udders look like they have been slapped around by a tidal wave… Or perhaps it was just Quentin Tarantino after one of his coke binges.
#10 Ashley Benson
Ashley could have been ranked higher, but she lost points for her bulbous breasts being blurry.
#9 Cameron Diaz
This is tail end of her prime Cameron Diaz topless on the beach after having just filmed “There’s Something About Mary”.
#8 Miley Cyrus
Naturally Miley Cyrus gave us a good clear look at her nude knockers.
#7 Elsa Pataky
“Fast and Furious” star Elsa Pataky’s fake honkers look harder than her husband (Chris Hemsworth) Thor’s hammer.
#6 Rita Ora
Rita Ora still claims to be a singer… But I’d bet my best camel that at least five times more people have seen her naked than could name even one of her songs.
#5 Sophie Turner
A Celeb Jihad commenter said it best… Sophie may be the “Queen of the North” but her tits are going south.
#4 Kelly Brook
The only reason Kelly isn’t ranked higher is that she has shown her chesticles so many times… Well that and the fact that she was a filthy mudshark at one point in time.
#3 Emily Ratajkowski
Emily’s perfectly formed perky milk sacks suffered in the rankings because of oversaturation as well.
#2 Natalie Portman
Natalie got bonus points for being popular, never really providing us with any other quality nudity, and (most importantly) still being a teen in this pic (as she was 19-years-old). Thus landing her the #2 spot on our list.
#1 Jennifer Aniston
Perhaps the most underrated candid celebrity nude photo in history. This is prime “Friends” Jennifer Aniston completely topless with her famous rock hard nipples on full display. The only reason this photo isn’t more well known is because at the time Jennifer sued to have it suppressed, but the Internet never forgets.